The Atrocity

I know, it's been a long time since I blogged. I probably would have gone a bit longer if something so atrocious, so humiliating, so horrifying hadn't occurred that I couldn't not share this with everyone.

My grandma has tried to set me up on a date.

I was at a play last night, and so missed my Grandma Edie's call. She doesn't normally call me. Ever. So I knew that something strange was going on. This morning I called my mom so I could go into the call with my grandmother prepared. My mom, ever so cheerfully, informed me that my grandma wanted to know if she could give my number to the grandson of her best friend.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Allow me to put this in context. My sister was married less than a month ago and a major topic of conversation at the rehearsal dinner was my own impending marriage. Actual family members said "You'll be next!" To which I responded "It will be a long wait."

So, now my mom is telling me that my non-dating has gotten to the point that my grandmother has taken it upon herself to set me up with a doctor in New Jersey. It would have been one thing if my mom had found this funny and it was all a big joke on grandma, but she actually supported the idea. She was really upset when I told her how awful I thought this idea was. Obviously she's worried about me too. I hung up on that conversation completely hurt and angry.

My mom apparently didn't pass along to my grandma that she should not pursue her date idea, because I received a call from her this evening. I tried to play it off, "I don't know if it makes sense to go out with a guy who lives so far away," and "I'm so busy with school and work, I don't have the time." But she would have none of it and got my email out of me (I figured that was better than him calling). My only hope is that he is as horrified as I am.

The clincher:
On the phone my grandma said "I think you'll be good together, he's very short. That's what made me think of you." I responded, "I don't usually date people based on their height, I usually base it on their politics or interests" which seemed to genuinely stun her. I guess I do have the short-Jewish-boy market covered.